Sharing Spaces – The Long Read

The season of mingling is upon us!  It seems that most of us pack in the majority of time we spend socializing with others during the last few months of the year.

People have a powerful drive to socialize with each other, even the most introverted, introverted among us need to spend time with other humans, as the need strikes us.  No human is ultimately a human without other humans.

That socializing can go better or worse, depending on not only the people doing it, but also on the design of the place where they are.

How can design make mingling magnificent?

• We do our best mingling in spaces that “say” the things about ourselves and the groups that we’re members of that we want them to hear. That means that they let others know that we are proud of our Lithuanian heritage or our family’s accomplishments hiking during our last vacation or the books that we’ve written.  Everything that surrounds us sends messages to those who are close enough to take in that information.  Even the smell of our house is a signal:  Is it clean and fresh, indicating that we’re a determined house cleaner, is it subtly sophisticated indicating that we know our way around the scent aisle and related research, or is it slightly sicky sweet, indicating we don’t choose to spend time cleaning, we have other pursuits, but we do care enough to spray air freshener around before company arrives.  And a plus—when we read someone else’s home we learn not only what small talk might be best but enough about their orientation to life so that we spend our time with them in comfortable coexistence—for example, we learn that their approach to life is a little more formal and since we grew up in a common culture we also know that people who are a little more formal prefer slightly larger personal spaces, and we distribute ourselves around the space available accordingly.  For more information on personal spacing, what’s best and how to support desired distances, read this article.
• Having a reason to cluster makes gathering in one spot more comfortable, and that leads to better discussions. A coffee machine that people can gather around in the kitchen gives people a reason to be in the same place at the same time as other people—the same goes for a fish tank or a piece of art (done by the homeowners’ children, even) or anything else people may gather together to discuss.
• Time together, time apart, and time in the groups we ourselves choose is crucial for the best sorts of mingling. In practical terms that means having gathering areas/collections of seats that accommodate groups of different sizes in different orientations to each other, some where direct eye contact is likely and some where meeting the eyes of others requires just a little more effort. A tete-a-tete between two people flows along better in a space that accommodates two or three comfortably (a space seems more comfortably spacious if not every seat is occupied), while crowding 8 cousins into a space with 3 chairs may ultimately lead to all sorts of complaints.  When a few people are gathered, if they have prospect and refuge (they feel secure and have a view out over the nearby world, as discussed here) social situations flow along pleasantly because people are so comfortable.  A preview of the linked to article:  there are all sorts of ways to create prospect and refuge, from furniture placement (think: high-backed chairs) to combinations of more and less intense light.  People also need breaks from togetherness from time to time (yes, even you extraverts) so areas with a single chair, facing the window and not other people, will be popular with all of the minglers that you invite from your home, in turn, as they cycle through it.
• Being able to choose where exactly to hang out with others gives us some control over our physical environment and when we can change one thing we feel we can control others as well. When we feel that we can have some effect on where we spend time, our mood improves and so does our ability to get along with others.  Too many choices is stressful, so make sure the options number around 5.  How to make sure that people feel good about the choices that they can make, read this article.    Front porches on houses and similar front-of-house relaxation zones give the people sitting on them and passersby a way to actually “encounter” each other as well as a lot of control over how a conversation progresses, which means mingling can work really well—people can talk to each other from a distance, passersby can move to the porch and sit down, etc.
• A special sort of control over our physical world is feeling we have a territory there, a place that is ours, even if just for a few minutes, and when we do, mingling goes better. We have a territory when we have a place we can safely put down a cup of coffee for example, or we might be sitting in a front yard with even a very short hedge between us and the street, or be perched on a chair we can sit in and hang our coat on the back of, or have an ottoman we can put our feet up on or reposition even slightly so it’s in the very best place for us.  For more information on territories, for individuals and groups, read this article.
• Not only do people need time together and apart, we need to spend time at the distances we feel most comfortable with—personal spacing that feels comfortable is a requirement for mingling that’s pleasant. Sofas can help people stay at comfortable distances when people can choose to sit a little bit closer or a little bit further away from someone else.  Individual chairs that can be slid slightly closer to someone else or slightly further away can also keep us from getting too close, or, just as disturbing, keep us too far away from whomever we’re trying to speak with.
• For more egalitarian conversations, round tables are best. If a rectangular table is the only option, remove the chairs from the shortest sides of the table.  Keep in mind that having any sort of furniture between people, such as a table if all are gathered around it, creates a psychological distance between the people talking (but that can be a good thing if a sensitive topic is being discussed).  When seats are arranged at 90 degrees from each other, when lines drawn along the front edges of the seats form a right angle, people will have more pleasant conversations and are more likely to bond, form a relationship.  Women are more comfortable talking with people seated in front of them and men with people they’re sitting beside, more reasons to have different seating options available.  Wherever they are positioned, all seats should have cushioned seats even if those cushions are slim, we interact more pleasantly with other people when sitting on some sort of cushion than we do if we’re sitting on a hard seat. If things may get tense, reclining chairs may be just what you need.  When we’re reclined we get less angry when provoked than if we’re sitting upright in a seat.

• Whoever is talking to whomever else should be seated on surfaces that are the same height above the floor or all on the floor itself. That will help ensure that everyone’s comments seem equally meaningful.  When a person is sitting on a taller seat, say a bar stool when everyone else is sitting on a conventional task chair, the other people present are literally looking up at them and that makes them seem more respected, competent, capable, and basically more adult so they carry more weight, than those of the people being looked down upon seem less competent, capable, more childlike, and less skilled.  People whose eyes are roughly on level with ours also seem more trustworthy than people whose eyes are much above or below ours.
• Plan for some empty seats; we’re most comfortable physically and psychologically in an area when less than 70% of the seats in it are occupied.
• Since we all need eye-contact breaks from each other, even if we’re the best of friends having the most casual and un-stressful of discussions, it’s nice if there’s something near where we’re talking to which we can gracefully divert our gaze from time to time without seeming rude. That might be a fish tank or a floral arrangement or a piece of art or something else, whatever seems reasonable in a particular space.
• Colour can make spending time with others go better. We’re more relaxed in spaces that feature colours that are less saturated and are relatively light, similar to a sage green with lots and lots of white mixed into it.  When there’s a warm coloured surface behind whomever we’re talking to, we tend to see them as a warmer person, friendlier (but avoid red behind people you’re talking to, because, among other things, seeing glimpses of the colour red even briefly degrades analytical performance, and being on top of all of our mental processes is important when we’re talking to others).  Seeing shades of green has been linked to thinking more creatively, which can often be handy during more intense conversations.  Something else to consider:  we feel more powerful in spaces that feature cool colours.  Go warm or cool based on what you think will be best for getting your mingling to the places you planned.
• We’re more sociable in places that feature warmer (lightbulb packages indicate if they’re warm or cool) and are slightly dimmer than usual (say 300 lux instead of 1000 lux)—there’s a reason so many restaurants use table top candles (candle flames and those in fireplaces also dance before our eyes in ways that are mentally refreshing, which is great when you’re doing the work of mingling with others, and mingling is work, but work that’s generally fun). Warm light will help any warm colours that you use on surfaces work as hard for you as they can.  Natural light is always a big plus, open the drapes before you open the front door to let in your guests!
• Seeing plants seems to encourage us to be more social.
• When there are more curved lines, in 2- and 3-dimensions, in a space that straight ones (as described in this article, people are more comfortable and relaxed than when straight lines and sharper angles dominate, which is certainly good when we’re mingling, particularly when conversations start to move on to more challenging topics. Also: seeing curving wood grain patterns is relaxing and mentally refreshing, so using them in spaces for mingling is great.  For more information on the pluses of including natural materials in spaces, read this article.
• The smell of lavender relaxes us and also builds trust among those present, so it is a good option in spaces for spending time with others. For more information on scenting, read these articles
• Hanging out with others can make our minds tired; build in ways for minglers to mentally refresh (designing for mental refreshment is discussed in detail here  LINK).
• And for those times when nothing but a cosy chat will do, hygge, as discussed in this article. 
• Planning for your future or maybe understanding your now: Researchers have found when the tree canopy overhead is denser, there are stronger bonds between people living in a neighbourhood, trees make it more pleasant to be outdoors and mingling.