Designing for Bonding

Design can influence the bonds we form with other people, just as it can affect how attached we feel to a space.  We’ll form more positive and lasting attachments to other people in certain circumstances:

• For building bonds, there’s nothing better than spending time together, in the same place at the same time; so if you must Zoom, get together IRL as well when you can. The main reason for this is that we communicate on so many channels beside the words we speak, our tone of voice and our facial expressions, which can be transferred via Zoom (think how important eye contact is in any conversation, for example) that when we’re not together, we literally can’t be sure what our conversation partner is communicating. Comfortable eye contact has been directly linked to building bonds, all by itself.
• When we share a territory with someone that we have the potential to bond with, because we’re on the same team at work, for example, we’re apt to ultimately develop a tight bond with them, as long as no one’s an ogre—so here’s to team rooms for use by a single team and family rooms at home.
• It may seem like we should implicitly understand the following but sometimes important concepts can simply be forgotten: bonding is best when people have the degree of privacy desired (for more on designing in privacy, read this article) and the space where people are gathered is a comfortable place to be.  Bonding and chairs that no one can sit in for more than a couple of minutes don’t blend well, for instance.
• When spaces seem more spacious, conversations are apt to be franker, which may be good when you’re trying to bond with someone or not, depending on what you say while you’re being more candid. For information on making a space seem more spacious, read this article.
• It’s tiring to try to get along with other people, mentally and physically, and bonds form after we’ve done a lot of getting along, so a place where people will form strong ties has to provide opportunities for people to refresh mentally, at least. When our brains are tired, and we let them stay that way, we get grumpy and don’t mix well with other people.  We refresh when we see or hear pleasant nature sounds, when we look at aquariums and plants, and when we do the other sorts of things discussed in this article.
• Just as we need to be refreshed when we are bonding with other humans, we need to be relaxed. No matter what our personality profile, when we’re around other people our energy levels go up (a vestige of our early days as a species when we needed to carefully coordinate our activities with those of nearby people or we would all die).  Designing places that are relaxing, but not so calming that we fall asleep, is discussed in this article.
• The same goes for being in a positive mood, if we’re happier we’re more likely to bond and cooperate. For information on how design can boost mood, read this article.

• When people better understand who we are and what we value, we’re more likely to bond with each other, so personalize the places in your life, but beware high levels of visual complexity, as discussed in this article.
• All involved sitting in chairs whose legs are the same length or we all sit on the floor (or a window seat, or some other similar horizontal surface) together is best for bonding. When we’re looking up or down at someone our interactions with them are distorted in ways that aren’t constructive (unless your plan is not a more equitable relationship but a more hierarchical one instead).  It turns out that when we’re looking up at someone they seem more powerful and competent (basically more “adult-like”) and when we’re looking down at someone they seem less powerful and experienced, basically more like a child.  This effect doesn’t occur among adults or among children of fundamentally standard heights sitting in the same sort of way—small differences in head height are OK, large ones are not.  Also, when we’re looking straight into someone’s eyes (not up or down at them) they seem more trustworthy and a person is more attractive when their posture matches ours—we’re both standing or sitting in roughly the same sort of chair, for instance.
• When we’re sitting at right angles to another person we’re most likely to form a relationship with whomever we’re speaking with, so move the furniture, add right-angle sectionals, etc. When two chairs are at right angles to each other lines drawn between the two front legs of one of those chairs would be at a ninety-degree angle to a line connecting the two front legs of the other chair.  This configuration works so well because it allows people to gracefully break eye contact with each other, whenever the conversation becomes too intense or they just need to look away for a few moments to not seem like a scary creep.  Having some sort of focal point—a piece of art, a plant, a window, anything, toward the middle of the arc of vision of people talking gives everyone something to look at when they take an eye contact break, so the fact that they’re taking a break is not obvious.
• Sitting in a chair with even a slight cushion, an inch will do it, makes us more likely to cooperate and not compete with others, which is great for bonding

• If there’s a table with one shorter side and one longer one, the leader of a group will sit at the shorter end, and even if there is not actually a group leader, someone present will sit in the “leader” spot and act like a leader throughout a conversation.  If a more egalitarian, all involved exchange is desired, a round table is best if it’s at all possible, given a room’s size and dimensions. Having a table between people talking increases the psychological distance between them, but sometimes a more direct interchange, particularly if a delicate topic must be reviewed, would be too overpoweringly intense—so keep the table or not, depending on a talk’s agenda.  If the conversation is likely to get really passionate, try to get everyone into recliners or Eames chairs with ottomans or something similar, as we get less angry when provoked when we’re reclining than we do when sitting in a more upright position.
• When we’re touching something soft, like a flannel blanket, we think the people we’re talking to are more flexible and easygoing than if we’re touching something harder, like a wooden armrest.
• If we’re touching a surface that’s smooth we interpret conversations we hear as more sociable and relaxed and when we’re in contact with a rougher surface that the same discussion can seem aggressive and tense.
• People we see in front of a warm coloured surface, as would be the case, for instance, if the wall behind them is painted a warm colour, seem to have a warmer personality than is the case if the wall behind them is a neutral or a cool colour.
• Warmer, slightly dimmer light leads to more positive exchanges with other people than being in cooler, brighter conditions. Hygge is supported by science.
• Being able to see a plant makes us more sociable.
• Smelling pleasant scents improves our mood, so if you want to bond with others, clean up!
• When we’re having an experience that awes us—whether that awe comes from seeing an incredible view or a rare material or extraordinary workmanship, for example (and we can be awed by the same situation over and over again)—we’ll behave more positively towards other people, not be as pre-occupied with our own self-interests and opinions, and have a more open mind, which are precursors to bonding.
• If you want to bond with your neighbours, make sure there is some sort of signal between your house and the street where your property begins and the area owned by your city ends—whatever you use to set up as a signal needn’t be a fence, although a cute short white picket one can work just fine. A few petite bushes, a row of flowers, or even a string tied between two sticks stuck into the ground will work just fine.  When people passing by get a reminder of where your property begins and ends they’re more relaxed (there’s no possibility that they’re trespassing even a millimetre), and that opens everyone up to talking, which is the first step to bonding.  Even if signalling where your territory is seems silly, after all, few of us can’t tell where the edge of the road or sidewalk is, do it anyway.  Sometimes humans can’t appreciate what’s going on until things are beyond crystal clear.