Entertaining and Eating Together

One of the fabulous things about autumn is the cosying up and cooking for family and friends (as well as just for ourselves). Creating a space for comfortable eating in your home is important to your wellbeing and that of all of the social groups that will spend time at your house – your immediate family, your extended family, your friends, the work colleagues who gather at the end-of-year holiday parties at your place . . . . . We bond in a powerful way with others when we eat with them, there is probably some important reason for this buried in our prehistory related to ritual eating and celebratory feasting, but why eating together originally mattered to us isn’t nearly as important to you as making sure the people in your life can gather and have lovely times eating at your house.

Especially in the Fall we want to connect with friends and family.  The fact that humans are a social species, and social eaters, has all sorts of ramifications.  First, it means whenever we can eat with others, we take pleasure in doing so and generally with while-eating conversations—any place in your home that you’ll be eating while mingling should be equipped with enough seats of the same type so that the heads of everyone eating will be at about the same height above the floor.  This objective is achieved if everyone sits on the model chair, or chairs whose legs are all about the same length, even if the people talking are actually different heights when they stand up.  What needs to be avoided is some people sitting in seats where the seat itself, known at the seat pan, is much closer to the floor than others.  Research consistently shows that when we look up at people, we think of them as more “adult-like”, for instance, as being experienced and competent, while people who get looked down onto are seen as childlike, less experienced, and less competent.  These adult-child categorizations harm communication among people who are actually peers.

Dining tables where everyone can see everyone else’s eyes will encourage a free flow of communication among equal-status diners, but many dining areas are the wrong size or shape to accommodate a round table that seats more than just a couple of people.  Square tables, like round tables, allow for good eye contact without anyone sitting at the head or the foot of a table, with the corresponding status-related designation as the “head-of-the-table.”  Square tables are often no easier to place in a dining area than round ones.

The solution?

Either a bigger dining area, which generally isn’t an option (and round tables that are more than about five or six feet across can impede conversation anyway, because people across the table from each other are just too far away for casual feeling chats) or a rectangular table.  A rectangular table doesn’t have to have people seated on all four sides.  When the short ends are seat free the conversation can be as egalitarian and free flowing as at round or square ones—and because of the way many eating areas are designed, a rectangular table with “open” seats on its shortest sides may be the most viable way for you to dine.

 

Make sure that all dining chairs have cushions, even the removable tie on types.  We get along much better with other people when we’re sitting on even slightly cushioned seats than when we’re on hard surfaces—and that can be particularly handy during family political debates over holiday meals.

TIDY UP!

Clutter ups stress, so managing visual clutter levels, as discussed in this article, can be an important way to cut tension-related eating.  How many baskets do you really need on your kitchen countertops?  Visible pans (even if they’re copper)?  Do you ever use that bread maker?  Mixer?  Tuck what you don’t use or need out of view and cut clutter where you cook as well as where you eat.

When you’re considering building that dining booth into your kitchen, keep in mind that we seem to eat more healthy foods when more people can see us than we do when tucked away in a booth, at least in restaurants; more secluded dining options may not be as good for the people in your home as more visible ones.  We are, however, apt to have a more pleasant eating experience when people aren’t walking directly behind us as we eat, for example, there may be a short wall or some plants between us and them—we still have a primordial fear of being attached from behind while we’re doing something such as eating that diverts some of our energy from looking for developing dangerous situations in the world around us.  We especially enjoy having a view around us, of a natural landscape, for example, as we eat.  This prospect (or view) combined with the feeling of security leads to the profoundly comforting condition of prospect and refuge, also discussed here.