Having a Positive, Productive Conversation

There are ways that design can make it more likely that you’ll have a constructive, mutually-beneficial conversation with someone else—whether you’re trying to negotiate world peace or help your teenager understand that they do not, perhaps, at least yet, know everything.

And most of the ways that design can encourage good talks are, sadly, lacking in this space where Putin and Macron recently had a tete-a-tete.

For the best discussions:

• Tables need to be carefully considered. Round tables where everyone present can easily see into each others’ eyes will up participation rates.  A round table that fits all of the needed parties to a conversation can often be quite large, however, putting people sitting across from it at conversation degradingly long distances from each other and often, literally, not fitting in the room where the conversation is to be held.  Seated conversations should take place when the discussants are at about the same distance while they are seated that they would be if standing up and having the same conversation, generally at least 4 feet and probably less than 7 or 8, with exact distances varying by culture.
• Since round tables for various reasons are often not feasible, people will find themselves sitting at some sort of rectangular table (for the same reasons round tables don’t work out fully square ones are also sometimes not viable). If there is a leader of a group they will sit at one of the short ends of a rectangular table and conversation becomes more structured/hierarchical and less egalitarian.  If there is not a group leader and there are seats at the short ends of rectangular tables, someone will appoint themselves leader, take one of the short edge seats and act accordingly.  Take the chairs away from the short edges of the table.  Even a conversation where people are lined up along the long sides of a table will work better than one, at least in terms of participation, “equal opportunity” participation.  If there’s no table involved or if the table is essentially square, it would be great to have at least the leaders of each negotiating group sit in chairs at right angles to each other.  When lines drawn along the front edges of two people’s chairs would meet in a 90 degree angle, those people are more likely to talk to each other and also to form a positive relationship if they do.  And this is likely because these people can easily take eye contact breaks from each other but also easily maintain eye contact when needed.
• Focal elements are key to supporting “eye contact breaks.” Even when we’re having the easiest and most relaxed of conversations with the best of friends we need to stop making eye contact with whomever we’re speaking with every so often and when the conversation underway is challenging for some reason, those breaks are even more crucial,  A focal element is something such as a plant, a piece of sculpture, a floral arrangement, anything that someone’s eyes could seem to naturally and gracefully direct toward every so often without causing offense to a conversation pattern—compare in your mind situations you’ve been in where you’ve been talking to someone who suddenly starts to look over your head, to one side, or at the ground instead of into your face and you can understand why a table top plant, etc., can be a conversation sustainer.  If people are talking but aren’t around a table, the same rule applies, although the focal element can take on more (generally larger) forms and there’s more viable options (a fish tank can be “weird” on a conference table top but not on a pedestal in the midst of chairs in a living room.
• When people are talking everyone should be in a seat with legs the same length or on all the same sort of cushions on the floor, no thrones! A more significant chair can scream “leader” which can distort group dynamics.  Even if some chairs just have longer legs than others (some are bar stool height and others are convention sofa height, for example), conversation dynamics are distorted with whomever is being looked up at seeming more skilled and experienced (basically more adult), while the reverse is true of the person being looked down upon.
• Having a difficult conversation—difficult because of the topics to be covered, the personalities of the people involved, or for some other reason—if the people talking are grouped around a table. Having a piece of furniture between people puts psychological distance between them, and sometimes that can be a very good thing.
• Sitting on even slightly cushioned seats (as opposed to sitting on a hard wooden surface, for example), smooths our social interactions with others, which is important during a frank conversation.
• People seem friendly when seen against warm colors than cool ones, and that is generally a good thing during a conversation; when seen against cool colors others are perceived as more powerful. The warm color used should not be shades of red, seeing red causes up to think “alarm” and degrades our analytical performance.  In contrast, if cool colors are appropriate, looking at all sorts of shades of green has been shown to enhance our creative performance, which can often be very handy, particularly when speaking with a teenager.  In any case, wall colors should not be very saturated and relatively light, like a sage green heavily diluted with white, that’s the sort of shade that puts us in the best emotional state for our brains to work well.
• Other good things in places where people will talk: natural light (as always, and without glare), some visible wood grain (but no more than about 50% of the surfaces in a room), warm light (lower for a hygge effect). Also a plus:    Having a conversation with an audience can distort the way people think and behave, there can be a very real “fishbowl” effect.
• We don’t just see when we’re meeting with others. Very quietly playing nature soundscapes can help keep during session stress levels down and scents can also speed positive talks.  We’re fairer and more generous if we smell a scent we interpret as “clean,” and when we can smell lavender we not only relax but are more trusting (which actually can be a good or a bad thing, depending on who you’re speaking with).